If I Had Known
by Culcarien
Summary: Serenity Snape, after her father's death, finally finds out the truth - and what she thought was the truth is not as simple as it seems.
1. Chapter 1

If I Had Known   
  
_Author's note: I have never tried writing HP fanfics before, but I have stumbled upon some wonderful ones over the last couple of days and couldn't resist dipping my hand in the pot. Please read and review and let me know what you think. I used to be called ieatcookies, but after playing with the name generator graciously suggested by Imhilien, I could not resist. I had to take a hiatus on this story before, but now am here to stay! Read, review, enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: All the characters used in this story do not belong to me - save Serenity._  
  
As a man is lowered in the grave, a girl with dark raven hair and onyx eyes quietly sobbed as she laid eyes on the body of her father one last time. She showed very little emotion; if would defile her father's memory to display a lack of control on her feelings, and an insult as his only progeny. After all, her father had the power, and could have been one of the most powerful men in the wizarding world. Could have, would have, should have. But didn't.  
  
And it was all because of her. Her mother.  
  
Who would have imagined the reviled potions master at Hogwarts would have fallen for her mother in all his years of teaching at the school, but he loved her, and dearly. And in return of that love had left her, just a baby, in front of the school's footsteps to be raised alone by her father in order to run off with another man. Left her father, broken, and destroyed any semblance of self he formerly had by reputation. Her father had named her Serenity, in hopes of one day having peace in his heart after what Hermione Granger did to his life and his world.  
  
While Albus Dumbledore offered again his condolences with kind and gentle words, Serenity Snape caught a glimpse of her mother among the mourners. She made an acknowledgement as her mother gazed at her from afar, and did not move when she walked towards her.  
  
Serenity's hatred of Hermione Granger blinded her more than anything else in her 20 years of life. She was not absolutely certain which fault of her mother's she hated the most, but was sure that she wanted nothing to do with this woman - this woman who have given life to her, and nothing else.  
  
When the two women stood face to face, neither mother nor daughter noticed anything else in their surrounding. From a third person's point of view, the similarities between the two were striking - the similar build, height, and lastly, the same texture of hair, which both had styled it to stay straight for once instead of its usual curliness. Not a word was said among them, and as Hermione reached out to embrace her daughter, a cold look from her daughter told her it would not happen - especially not today. Hands were shaken instead.  
  
"Serenity, I'm truly for your loss. your father was a great man." Hermione managed to keep her voice from cracking as she gazed upon the face of her daughter whom she never knew. After twenty years, the fight with Lord Voldemort and his successors had taken a toll on the woman who had loved Severus Snape. As she now talked with her daughter, the journalists as well as other important people in the Wizarding society turned to look at them, and any semblance of intimacy beyond that initial moment washed away - like the look of making peace from her daughter turned back into a hurtful glare.  
  
"Thank you for coming, Mrs. Minister. Do you come as the minister's wife, or my father's former lover?" Replied the younger woman.  
  
The words hurt Hermione Granger more than anything physical that her biological daughter could have done - it was true. She had married the Minister of Magic, and had been his wife for many years. But the circumstances and consequences of that arrangement had left her with more scars, physical and mental, that she could possibly bear. Enraged by her daughter's lack of understanding, as well as her anguish that she could not disclose her situation made her angry, and she spoke thus.  
  
"Serenity Snape! I understand you may be upset, and I understand that. But by no means are you to talk to your mother that way. I will not stand for it."  
  
"But I'm just telling the truth like it is, mother - you left us for fame and fortune. Sure, he may have married you, but you're still a whore. A well-dressed one, but still a whore." Serenity spoke vehemently. It was true! How dare her mother come to this funeral pretending to care about her father when she willingly ran into the arms of someone with power?  
  
Attracting the attention of the other mourners, the younger Snape glared at the woman who gave her life once more, turned smartly and walked away. Had she cared to even turn around to look at her mother, she would have seen the silent longing for her daughter. But alas, Serenity never saw it.  
  
**********  
  
Hermione Granger Potter returned to her mansion provided by the Ministry of Magic later that evening sullen and depressed. Over the last twenty years, she has lived with her mistake and has spent many sleepless nights mentally cursing herself for her irreparable actions. She sat at her vanity table, loosening the pins that held her hair in place and began to comb her locks roughly, ignoring shards of pain inflicted by her merciless brush.  
  
Although she did not appreciate the way her daughter voiced her opinions, she had no defense to those accusations. When it came down to it - yes, she was, in a way, a very expensive whore.  
  
'How was I to make those decisions when I was only twenty! I was unprepared, uncertain, and in love with a man that could not or would not tell me! Sure, love conquers all - not in a wizarding world where everyone looks down at you for loving a man that everyone hated. I doubted Severus. how could I not doubt you, Severus.'  
  
As silent tears rolled down her cheeks, she quickly wiped them away when she heard footsteps in the adjoining room, footsteps she had grown accustomed for a very long time. Her husband, the Minister of Magic would be here soon, and it wouldn't do Harry any good if he saw her crying.  
  
She was about to use her wand to use a 'freshening up' charm when a voice came over the doorway.  
  
"It's too late, I already know you're crying, so there's no need for you to hide your face from me."  
  
Harry Potter walked across the room to hold his wife as she lost her iron control of her emotions and truly cried. It was rare for Hermione to cry - rarer that she would let anyone see her suffering. Harry had tried everything to help heal his wife emotionally for the last twenty years, and after all this time, he could not break through her mental barriers. Initially he thought she only needed time for her to heal, but after twenty years, he finally realized that even time couldn't cure all the problems in the world.  
  
"Hermione, I think it's time we told Serenity everything. There is no reason you have to suffer alone anymore, certainly not twenty years." Hugging Hermione, he guided her to their bed and helped her climb under her covers.  
  
"But Harry, Serenity will never understand - she refuses to even be civil with me. I don't understand it."  
  
"That's because her parents are two of the most stubborn and opinionated people I know - or she couldn't be yours otherwise." Harry handed Hermione a handkerchief as he continued. "I don't think the two of us are going to get through to her without explaining the whole truth." A sigh escaped Harry as he poured two cups of tea from a tea set he produced out of his wand. "After all, I was the bastard who stole her mother and wrecked what could have been, a happy family."  
  
"But she doesn't understand the circumstances. She really believed I would have left her for fame and glory - But I can't tell her Harry. If she finds out the truth, then she would only hate you, and that wouldn't make the situation any better, would it!" Hermione replied, accepting the cup of tea from Harry and taking a sip.  
  
"Well, we will sleep on it my dear, and think about what to do in the morning." Harry finished his cup of tea and placed it back on the tea set. With a soft 'pop' with a gesture, the tea set was gone, and several spells later, the room was dim and quiet. "I'll be sleeping in the Red Room tonight, you get some rest." Kissing his wife on the forehead, he drew the drapes on the four-poster bed and quietly exited the room.  
  
**********  
  
Serenity Snape sat in the easy chair that her father had occupied in the living quarters of the dungeons of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It had been a difficult day greeting the mourners for her father's funeral, but she was also fuming after the confrontation with her mother. Over the course of her life, she had only seen her mother in person less than the fingers on one hand, but the society pages of the Daily Prophet was constantly bombarded with pictures of Hermione Potter, and it was through the media that she was exposed to her biological mother.  
  
She had been going over her father's belongings for the last three hours. She had wanted to cry so very badly sorting through her father's meticulous notes on various types of potions, class lecture notes, and research. His penmanship was perfect, and the thought that he will no longer write anything more or brew another potion had her blinking back tears. But no tears escaped her eyes, and slowly she covered up her emotions into a neutral face of calm and collectiveness. A light scratching sound steered her from her reverie to see a white snowy owl hovering outside the window. It was carrying a letter, and without thinking she took the letter from the bird and rewarded it with a cracker. The owl bowed once, and flew off, soon being a light speck in the sky and gradually disappearing over the horizon.  
  
Serenity watched the owl disappear completely before looking at the envelope. The seal on the envelope was the seal from the Ministry of Magic, and the envelope did not disclose the name of the sender. With a sense of curiosity, she opened it.  
  
**********  
  
_That's chapter 1. Please read and review, constructive criticisms are welcome. Chapter 2 will be posted shortly._


	2. Chapter 2

If I Had Known   
  
_Author's note: Here's chapter 2, enjoy.   
  
Disclaimer: All HP characters are not mine - except Serenity.  
_  
**********  
  
In the Red Room of the Potter residence, Harry Potter reminisced the events that have shaped his life for the last forty years. Recalling the days of living with the Dursleys, the joy of going to Hogwarts, battles with Lord Voldemort, and finally the situation that further changed his life.  
  
Harry Potter knew he had lived on borrowed time for the last twenty years due to the sacrifices of his best friend, and wife, Hermione Granger. It was because of him that Serenity had no mother and Severus had no wife. In order to save his life, Hermione had sacrificed her life with the ones she loved for an empty one with him. Silently, Harry Potter had thought the things he had done as Minister of Magic would redeem his self worth as a person, since his existence was due to a destruction of what would have been a loving family.  
  
As he sat down at his study, his conscience finally gave out after twenty years, and he decided he will finally rectify the situation even if it meant losing the most important thing in his life, the person whom he have grown to love and cherish, Hermione.  
  
**********  
  
Opening the seal, Serenity read:  
  
To my stepdaughter,  
  
As a person who knows the true meaning of loneliness of a desolate childhood, I need to acknowledge your pain is caused mainly by my existence. It is time that you fully understand. Meet me tomorrow at my office at noon. Bring not your opinion and your prejudice, only an open mind.  
  
Sincerely yours,  
  
Harry Potter  
  
**********  
  
Hermione Granger could not sleep, and as soon as Harry had left their room, had gotten out of bed. After apparating herself out of their mansion, she arrived with a silent 'pop' in front of Severus Snape's grave. She took in the quiet in the middle of the night looking at the scenery. Serenity had chosen this spot, facing the lake at the school. Severus liked to spend his days in the summer when the students were away, appreciating the peace and quiet .  
  
Feeling the moist earth on the ground, she sat on the grass while looking at the freshly buried grave. Her eyes followed the etchings of the words on the headstone - Beloved father, teacher, potions master. Here was a man who received so little - yet gave so much.  
  
"Oh Severus." Hermione sobbed, as she for the first time truly mourned the love of her life, even though she had been separated from him for more than twenty years. As she cried, the sounds of her grief covered the soft footsteps of a person approaching.  
  
"My dear child. Severus would not appreciate you crying over his grave." Recognizing the voice of Dumbledore, Hermione quickly got up to address the man.  
  
"He's gone, Professor. He and I had only so little time together."  
  
"Yes, but the time you two had spent together meant more to him than anything, Hermione. He had lived more in that short time with you, then the years with the Deatheaters." Comforted Dumbledore, as he offered a hand for Hermione to get up. Silent, they both look at the peaceful landscape once more, each caught in their own thoughts.  
  
"You had best return to bed, Hermione - and remember, when you grief, think of how much good you have done to our world with your sacrifice. Severus understood. He had forgiven you. Now - you must forgive yourself."  
  
Hermione nodded and apparated herself back to her own chambers, where she laid in her bed until early next morning, thinking about what might have been.  
  
**********  
  
Promptly at noon, Serenity was ushered into the inner office of the Minister of Magic. At her arrival, Harry Potter stood up to greet his stepdaughter, only to find her silent and unresponsive. He gestured for her to have a seat and offered her coffee or tea which she refused.  
  
Serenity did not understand. What truth had been concealed from her for all these years? As far as she was concerned, Harry Potter had nothing of value to say to her, but still, here she sat, awaiting what is to come.  
  
"Serenity, thank you for coming today. I understand under these circumstances you must be going through a lot of pain."  
  
"I'm sorry Minister, but as I understand it, I was summoned here." Serenity had neither time nor patience to be polite with this man. As far as she was concerned, anyone that is close to her mother was instrumental in causing her late father's pain. "Forgive me Mr. Minister, if this has anything to do with the well being of my mother, I am simply not interested." She took out her wand and just as she was about to turn around and walk out, Harry Potter said one thing which made her sit back down immediately.  
  
"Your father killed himself Serenity."  
  
A plethora of thoughts went through Serenity's head. It's impossible! Her father would never be so weak as to take his own life.  
  
"It's impossible. And further, how would you know?"  
  
Harry Potter grimaced as he sat down on an easy chair across from Serenity. "I am surprised that Severus Snape's daughter could be so naïve. Even though it is true your father has been less active in the wizarding community, it is common knowledge that Severus Snape can stopper death. Why not his own?"  
  
Caught at a stutter, Serenity can offer no argument as Potter continued. "It's called the Heart and Soul Curse - and there are only 6 people on this earth that know of its existence." Just as he was about to continue, Hermione Granger stormed into the room, intercepting the conversation between her husband and her daughter. "No Harry! You mustn't tell her! It's all right for her to hate me, there is no reason she should hate you too!"  
  
Serenity watched as her mother implored her stepfather to withhold information from her. What information? And the Heart and Soul Curse? Never in her life had she heard of that particular curse, even after she had been taught more than the normal curriculum at Hogwarts by her father. "Stop it! Both of you!" She yelled to stop the two Potters from fighting. "I don't understand what you both are talking about - and further, I have no inclination of knowing. You already ruined the life of my father, if this is some sick attempt to redeem yourself in my eyes, Mother, then I have to say that you've failed - miserably. I don't want either of you to come near me again!" Blinking back tears in her eyes, she quickly stormed out of the office where her mother and stepfather look at each other with sadness and confusion.  
  
"Harry, it's too much for her. We can't bear to tell her what happened, now that she's acting like this."  
  
"No love, we can't afford not to tell her. There are still enemies of our cause out there, and she's vulnerable. I'm afraid we'll have to get through to her willingly or otherwise."  
  
**********  
  
Serenity had not immediately return to her rooms. Instead, she headed up to Dumbledore's office, passing the gargoyle with the password Sherbert Lemon. The headmaster's office was empty. As Serenity waited in frustration, Fawkes the phoenix flew down next to her and stared at her intently. Fawkes, through his numerous 'lifetimes' had watched the girl grow up into the woman she was now, and although he could not communicate with humans, he allowed himself to be petted while she waited. Finally, Albus Dumbledore entered the room, and upon seeing Serenity sitting in a chair facing the fireplace, he went to one of his bookshelves along his office and took out the item which will be able to answer some of her questions.  
  
"Serenity, come here." Upon hearing the voice of her headmaster, she walked towards him and saw what he was holding. She waited silently, waiting for an explanation.  
  
"It's time child, for you to see what I saw that many years ago. Perhaps then you shall discover the truth. Think carefully - the events of now are not necessarily the reflection of the past."  
  
She reached out for the pensieve, and felt the world disappear around her.  
  
**********  
  
_Here's Chapter 2. Chapter 3 will be posted shortly. Thanks for reading, and review!_


	3. Chapter 3

If I Had Known

_Author's note: Here is Chapter 3. Read, Review, and Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: We all play in the world JKR has created, so I brought someone along. Serenity is mine._

**********

A pensieve was a powerful tool. Serenity had never had the chance to use one, but she knew how one basically worked. Her father had kept one, but she learned from experience not to touch anything he deemed "off limits". The pensieve, was indeed, off limits. 

_She felt the cold. Despite the dim surroundings, and she knew exactly where she was. She was in her father's private workroom next to the Potions laboratory in the dungeons of Hogwarts. What she didn't expect was the way the people seemed real, the sounds, the smells, it was as if she really was there, even if she could not talk to the people she was seeing._

_As she walked through the doorway, she saw a younger version of her father brewing a potion over an open flame. Seeing him alive, even though a pensieve brought tears to her eyes, and she silently sobbed. A handkerchief was handed to her, and she looked up to see Headmaster Dumbledore patting her shoulder in a small sign of comfort._

_"It's alright to cry, child. You have suffered a huge loss, as we all have. I took the liberty of joining you in the pensieve, I did not think you should be alone while you sort through the truth. With your permission, I'll guide you through the more pertinent strand of memories so that you will have an idea of the way things were."_

**********

She couldn't believe her eyes. Serenity could not believe that the young woman she saw in the pensieve was her mother. Through the guidance of Dumbeldore, she witnessed from his point of view what her mother had been like as a student at Hogwarts. The Daily prophet never regaled her with stories about Hermione Granger's love of books, or her activist attempts of S.P.E.W, and certainly, not the way her mother's loyalty towards her friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. She saw her mother's quick thinking saved the trio from the Devil's snare when she was just a first year, and saw her mother recovering in the hospital wing after her botch attempt at ingesting the polyjuice potion and transformation into a feline. She watched her grow up, survive through trials while secretly working with the Order of the Phoenix, while facing the world prejudiced with the idea that she was a muggleborn. She even watched as Draco Malfoy, the younger version from the man she knew, pursued her mother intensively throughout her final year at Hogwarts.

*She doesn't seem the type to marry for money - else, she would have simply accepted Malfoy's offer.*

Further, she watched intensely the interactions between her father and her mother. While her father never spared even one kind word towards her mother in the seven years of teaching (yet offered plenty for Draco Malfoy even though she could see her mother was easily the better of the two), he never showed any favoritism towards her even if he complimented her work in the privacy of his quarters. Remarks of "how does she do that?" or "That girl is brilliant" was never heard by anyone, yet somehow Dumbledore was able to procure these memories for her to peruse.

**********

"You had no right to do that Harry, no right to do it at all!" Hermione Granger-Potter was infuriated with her husband. "How could you seriously consider telling her the truth? Are you insane?" Pacing around the room, she didn't know whether or not to punch him or hex him. Both seem equally appealing.

"Now, calm down Hermione. The child deserves to know." As Harry tried to sooth his enraged wife, he could tell this would be a long night. Hermione usually have a fairly level temper, but once unleashed, it would take hours before she returns to normal.

"No, she does not! And even if she does, it should have been ME who told her, not you! Now we have no idea what she's going to do? What if she does something insane like going to find Malfoy?"

"She doesn't know about Malfoy, Hermione. And even if she does, I'd expect Severus' dau..." He didn't get to finish the sentence when his wife jumped at him again. "Don't Severus' daughter me! She's my blood, and god knows what Malfoy would do to her!" Grabbing her wand, she was about to run to the door when Harry pointed his wand at her, and said, "Petrificus Totalis". Hermione froze, and fell to the floor. Using a mobilicorpus charm, Harry lifted his wife back on the bed and prepared himself to sleep outside for at least a month.

"I'm sorry Hermione... I really am. But I can't let you run out there until we know what's going on." A glare from his frozen wife kept his mouth shut thereafter.

********** 

Serenity watched the life of Hermione Granger during her seventh year at Hogwarts in fast forward mode. She could tell from the way her mother acted towards her father that she had feelings for him, despite the fact she had never disclosed her feelings to him. Over time, she watched her parents open up to each other more into an easy companionship as they brewed potions or discussed books during the evenings. She had never seen her father smile, or laugh in her entire life than watching her father live that year through the pensieve. Serenity was getting tired; she was about to pull herself out of the pensieve to continue tomorrow when she could tell something was about to happen.

A sullen Hermione Granger walked into the workroom. She appeared to have been crying, and without much ado, she sat down on a stool facing the Potions Master. She tried valiantly to hide her feelings of sadness and distress, but as she was a Gryffindor, she was certainly a bad actress.

"Miss Granger, kindly refrain from crying over the potion, or else we'd have to begin the batch all over again." Severus Snape was concerned. He had never seen Hermione so distraught before, and a strange feeling developed inside him. He had an urge of wanting to make her feel better. Unbeknownst to Hermione in her distress, an observer would see the struggle clearly upon the potion master's face as he wondered how to comfort the student. His mind finally made up, he handed a sobbing Hermione a black handkerchief, and watched as she wiped her tears from her face.

"I'm sorry Professor, I should have better control of my feelings. I promise you sir, that this would not happen again." As she turned to leave the lab, an arm reached to hold the girl back, surprising both the student and the teacher.

"Surely a know-it-all like you can deal with petty adolescent problems? Let me guess, Potter, Weasley... taking advantage of you again?" Severus did not know what he was doing, or why he was acting out of character, but he knew he could do no less for this girl than the girls from his own house. And deep down, he questioned whether or not Hermione would confide to Minerva in the first place.

"No sir. They haven't. It's just... " Hermione felt torn between loyalty to her friends and comfort for the man.

"Just what?" Questioned the potions master. 

"Harry, sir. He has confessed that he loves me."

"Is that all? Then congratulations are in order then, Miss Granger. No doubt tons of adolescent teenage witches have wanted to capture the heart of the Boy-Who-Lived. Soon, you'll all plague me with your progeny which will no doubt be the bane of my existence." 

At his response, Hermione began sobbing again. 

"That's just it sir. I should WANT to be loved by someone. Yet, I don't have feelings for Harry at all. What if I want someone else?"

"Then you have a dilemma, Miss Granger. Whomever you wish to bestow your affections upon, I'm sure it will all work out." Turning to bottle the potion he had been brewing, he continued. "Miss Granger, I'd advise you to return to Gryffindor tower, and sort out your little relationship problems before coming to assist me again."

Severus waved his hand in dismissal, and when he did not hear fading footsteps, he turned to face the girl. But as he looked at her, he realized she was no longer just a silly know-it-all, but a budding woman.

Hermione walked towards him, and placing a hand on his arm, asked him, "And what if the person I wanted was standing right in front of me? What should I do then, sir?"

_I know Snape's a bit OOC here, and I'll go back and fix it. Until then, thanks for reading. Also, thanks lots for those who reviewed, your reviews were helpful and are much appreciated. For those who haven't, REVIEW! _


End file.
